di Chiarro, Joe Cartoon

I have been doing so well with my diet and exercise program.  I am proud of the 22 lbs. I have lost so far.  Today though, I almost went off the wagon.  I am an emotional eater.  It doesn’t matter if I am happy, sad, stressed, mad, etc……I will eat.  As I have said before, the medication I have been on for depression has greatly helped me in controlling my eating and emotions.

Today was an exception.  We have an extremely serious issue going on in our family since last week that I am not at liberty to talk about.  I think I have been running on adrenaline up until today.  Once I got Hunter and Hayley on their buses I went into the house and fell apart. I cried for 20 minutes straight.  I haven’t cried much in over a month but the floodgates opened today.

Last night Dave and I made one of our favorite pink sauces that goes over Portobello ravioli.  I had eaten very carefully yesterday in order to partake in this favorite meal.  I did well and did not over eat at dinner.  I was happy to not have to deprive my self of this dish and the fun Dave and I have together making it.  Dave took the leftover ravioli to work with him today yet we were still  left with a good amount of the delicious sauce.

When I was crying I kept thinking about how I would love to take leftover pasta that was made for the kids last night, and pour the sauce all over it and stuff myself.  Once the last tear dried I did the right thing and had my oatmeal like I do every morning.  I then went downstairs and did some weight training on my own and walked on the treadmill for 40 minutes.  I now was safe for a while and felt better.

A phone call came in at lunch time pertaining to our problem.  Once off the phone, I immediately walked to the refrigerator, had the pasta container in one hand and the sauce container in the other.  I felt like I had the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other……DO IT……DON’T DO IT………  I was torn but, am proud to say that I did not succumb to the pasta and sauce.  I put it back into the refrigerator walked away and ate an apple and then made a salad as it was lunch time.  I cannot say how much better I felt in making this decision to not eat the pasta.  If I did eat it I would have thought “oh I blew it anyway, who cares”.  I decided that the weight I have lost thus far, definitely has made me feel and look better and to give in to temptation is simply not worth it.

The rest of the day has gone very well and I know I am in no danger whatsover of losing the battle today. I feel strong………


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