The last two weeks have been inordinately stressful.  I have been so very successful so far on my diet and exercise program, I did not want to fail.  It was tough though, there were soooo many times I wanted to throw in the towel and EAT.  At those times I felt like eating whatever I could get my hands on it didn’t matter what, even if I didn’t like the item.   I literally stood with my hand tightly gripping the refrigerator or cabinet doors fighting off the intense desire to eat and just forget about it all.  My head was spinning, I imagined I hadn’t eaten in weeks, breaths started to come quickly……….

I didn’t give in to the temptation any of those times.  It was hard, but I kept saying to myself over and over that I had went down one size, I lost the triple chins, my shirts aren’t sticking to a protruding waist anymore, do I REALLY want to blow it?  Finally, my head stopped spinning, the hunger started to ebb and my breathing became normal again.  I started to think rationally and decided that it WASN’T worth it because once I had finished eating whatever it is I picked, the guilt would set in.  The feeling of failure would over take me which in turn, since I blew it anyway,  would continue to eat.  The vicious cycle would again overtake my life.

One saving grace was I was able to get to the gym once last week and walked on my treadmill at home 3 days.  Even though I had to push myself to do both last week, it did make me feel better.  Yesterday I walked on my treadmill and today I went to the gym and walked for 30 minutes and weight trained for 30 minutes.  I am proud to say I am back on track.

I have decided I AM strong.  I don’t want to go back there again.  I was unhappy being fat.  I don’t believe any overweight person when they say “oh, I am healthy and fit, I love my body, etc., etc.”  NO ONE is healthy being overweight because the extra fat puts a tremendous amount of strain on the organs, especially the heart.  High blood pressure, cholesterol, clogged arteries are what is in store when you are overweight, diabetes and cancer risks are elevated.

I am not thin, I am still, I will use the word “heavy”,  just not as “heavy” as a month ago.  I want to lose another 30 lbs. to get healthy and to start to enjoy things in life that I have put aside for so long.  I know I can and will do this, because I am worth it 🙂


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