Flip-Flops at a Wedding

Last Friday, Dave and I attended a wedding of  a teacher of Hayleys that she had in the past.  The service was beautiful, as was the bride and the groom looked handsome in his Military Dress Uniform.

The reception followed.  It was at a Yacht Club and the room the reception was in was beautifully decorated.  Before the bride, groom and wedding party arrived, the DJ called out that in the front of  his stand were bins of flip-flops for the women once their feet started to hurt from the heels they were wearing.  It was such a surprise, I had never seen this before.  All the girls were ooing and ahhing and running to the front.

The bride and her bridal party had bought flip-flops in various sizes and decorated them all with glitter, sparkles, foam, felt flowers and shapes, as well as ribbon.  Every pair was different.  At the top of the page is two of the girls from our table showing off their flip-flops.  The flip-flops were a delightful surprise.  Most of the women and girls who took a pair were already putting them on ready to dance the night away.

Once the music started, the dance floor was flooded with women and girls wearing their custom flip-flops.  All their feet were sparkling and shining underneath the lights.  I thought the flip-flops were a surprising and welcome addition to the reception.

I picked up a pair to show to two young women in the family to maybe give them ideas?????    😉

TAX SEASON: the good, the bad and the ugly

TAX SEASON………..the good:  it is our livelyhood………the bad: Dave having to work very long hours………..the ugly:  my attitude

It is March 1st and I am excited to say that “Tax Season” will be over next month! 

Tax Season puts food on the table, which is good (ok wonderful), the down side is the long hours Dave works, and tax season can bring out an extremely unpleasant attitude in me. You would think after all these years I would chin up and accept it……..I have this year.  Most years are a blur now, but the past 4 or 5 tax seasons have been emotionally and physically draining for a lot of reasons. Tax season tended to drag, I did nothing but cry and complain and be down right nasty. I would  snarl and say to Dave, “I HATE the DREADED tax season!!!!!!!!!!”  This of course wasn’t fair to him.  He not only was working like a dog, he was running a business, facilitating clients and employees, and then had to come home to the chaos that was here.

This year is different in the respect that although this tax season is emotionally and physically draining because of problems once again, I am handling it so much better.  Because of the counseling, medication and the determination to get healthy, I am seeing things in a new light.  Taking it one day at a time helps because it is what it is, like it always has been.  I am definitely concerned about how my attitude affects Dave, and so I have been so much more positive which makes him happy and less stressed.  Dave has been so great, he has been going into work extra early in the morning so he can come home and spend a little bit more time with me. This makes me happy and more positive.  I am NOT complaining like in previous years.  Dave knows first hand what goes on here so why do I have to beat the subject to death again when he gets home?  Dave deserves to come home and escape work not only in tax season but any time of the year.  I am trying to make this happen.  We enjoy having a glass of wine and sitting on our unfinished patio discussing OTHER things instead of problems each night. We are both taking it day by day together, we are supporting each other, and are starting to look at the positives and very slowly, starting to think, “maybe some of our hopes and dreams will come true”.

Oh, and did I say Tax Season will be over next month? 🙂

Me and Dave in Florida

When living with Autism, you must embrace the small things

Hayley in Florida

 When living with Autism, you MUST embrace the small things, otherwise you would find yourself spiriling down an endless chasm.  The stress is tremendous on each individual of a family, the family dynamics and your marriage.  The divorce rate of parents that have only 1 Autistic child is between 80 and 85 percent!  So families having 2 or more children on the spectrum MUST be much higher, it isn’t even mentioned!  Fortunately I have been blessed with an amazing husband. Not only is he running a business, worrying about or parenting older children, he is also coming home to children with a disability.  I give him so much credit.  Dave has not EVER, since Hayley and Hunter’s diagnosis complained, moaned, groaned or had a pity party for himself….. Unlike me…….  I HAVE complained, moaned, groaned and have thrown some magnificent pity parties for myself.  Dave sees the glass half filled, I see it half empty.  I tend to shut down, yet Dave will come home after a long day at work, load the washer, the dryer, fold clothes, empty the dishwasher etc.  I really don’t deserve him.  I will say since I have seeked professional help I am doing better yet Dave still continues to help me whenever he can.

Mothers Day 2010

Now to the small things.  I could not imagine life without Hayley and Hunter, I do believe God brought them to us for a purpose.  When the older kids were small we took many, many, many vacations.  It was just a given that we could drive, fly, cruise wherever we wanted.  We went out to eat alot and we would have people come over to our table to commend us as parents for the stellar behavior of Katie, Kevin, Craig & Tracey (of course they did not see behind the scenes).  On any given day I or Dave could say “go out and play” and they were capable of that.  We could get babysitters and have “date nights” or we used to on a weekend night say Mom and Dad are going to have a romatic dinner.  This consisted of me setting the table in the Library, decorating it with candles, turning on the music and fireplace.  We would close the blinds and have conversation and eat in peace.

Right now those days are gone. But I have to hope and believe not forever.  Now Dave and I look, listen I and see what small joys have occured each day.  Some of them have been:

The unconditional love that Hunter gives us,  he tells me he couldn’t imagine me not being his mother.  He is thankful to be in this “wonderous” family (yes he talks like this).  Dad is the best dad because he wrestles with me and builds dinosaurs.

The first time at age 8, Hayley saying “love mommy” and giving me a kiss.

Hunter getting up early on a weekend and having a major spread of breakfast items set out on the counter for me, Dave and Hayley.

Hayley just recently at age 9 saying 4 word sentences.

Hunter being able to control his anger at the girl on the bus that makes fun of him.

Hayley being able to understand Florida means:  Nova, Bernie, Katie, Bill, Beach, Purple Room.

Hunter each day asking Hayley to come to the computer and putting on her favorite disney cartoons and trying to teach her the mouse.

I could go on and on.  Are these very small things to the normal child, of course.  Do you take your kids for granted for being able to have a conversation, play sports, games, play with children, go to movies? I know I did when the 4 older ones were little.  Now I have a totally different perspective.  Just hearing Hayley say “love mommy”, or say “great room movie”.  Hunter showing us love and not caring if kids make fun of him.  The change in the older kids being forced to live with Autism and I will say change for the better.  They each have more compassion and are not so quick to judge.

None of us should take anyting in life for granted.  It is a gift that should be enjoyed.  Love the little things, enjoy life and the next time you argue with you child about homework, remember us…….We would give up everything we have to be able to have the argument with Hunter and Hayley……….

Embrace the small things!

Washington DC