Hunter’s first wedding

On May 28th, friends of ours from church got married.

Back in February they told us that they were going to be married in May and they would like to ask Hunter to be the ring bearer.  My first thought was “what are you guys crazy” asking Hunter to be ring bearer had its share of risks and were they or even us, ready for them.  Hunter’s Aspergers has him look at the world in black or white, no gray area at all.  He is rigid in his ways and definitely resistant to any type of change, so when the day comes, he may perform or he might not, period.  Any type of change during the rehearsal or ceremony could absolutely have Hunter going off the deep end.  So after taking a deep breath I told them to go ahead and ask Hunter.

They did ask him and he was clueless to what a ring bearer was or a wedding for that matter.  They patiently explained everything to him, to which he asked “can I carry Pikachu? He was told he would be carrying a pillow with the rings on top and that he could have Pikachu at the reception.  Then he wanted to know if he could walk down the aisle like a penguin because he always wanted to be a penguin (you know, tuxedo = penguin). They said no he would have to walk normal but could be a penguin at the reception all he wanted.  After taking this all in he said yes he would be ring bearer.  I just kept thinking, they do not know what they are in for.

When the time came near, I brought him to be fitted for his tuxedo.  He did very well at the fitting but I was really leery about Hunter wearing all those clothes plus real shoes.  Boy, I thought, I am in for it.

The rehearsal came and Dave took Hunter as I had to stay home with Hayley because she was receiving therapy.  When Dave got home from the rehearsal, he immediately asked for a glass of wine and collapsed on the swing on the patio outside.  I asked Hunter how it went and he said ok.  Then I asked Dave.  He said it wasn’t horrible but it was as we thought, Hunter was not keen on all the changes that came and went.  The wedding party decided early on that Hunter would not be capable of standing with the wedding party up at the altar for the ceremony.  Hunter would walk down the aisle and sit with me in the front (although I really should be on the bride’s side of the church, I got to sit in the front row  next to the grooms immediate family.)  Anyway, Dave said Hunter accepted this pretty well, but then came the pillow…. Hunter for whatever reason got quickly attached to the pillow.  He was told that when the pastor says it is time for the exchange of rings, he would walk up to the best man and hand him the pillow so he could retrieve the rings.  Hunter flipped out! “I AM NOT GIVING UP THE PILLOW”!  The Pastor told him that he didn’t have to give up the pillow, just make-believe.  Then Hunter thought the rings would actually be on the pillow, when told no, that the best man will have the rings in his pocket and they would be making believe, Hunter yelled “ITS A FAKE!!!”  Dave got Hunter calmed down and said now was the time to practice the processional.  Hunter did extremely well walking down the aisle and sitting next to Dave.  When the Pastor said it was time to exchange the rings, Hunter marched up the steps, got in front of the best man and yelled “YOU ARE A PILLOW SNATCHER!!!”  Once again he sat next to Dave, who by this time was sweating profusely, and Hunter calmed down.  Dave said to me after he got home “tomorrow is anyone’s game.”

The next morning came and we dressed Hunter in his tuxedo.  He looked so adorable.  I was really surprised he didn’t complain too much.  The thing that was most uncomfortable for him were the shoes.  He has never worn dress shoes before.  I will say by the time we got to the reception that day, Hunter was sporting some mean blisters (yet he didn’t really complain), surprise, surprise.  He was a little tough when pictures were taken before the wedding, but he got through it.

The wedding started and the bridesmaids came down the aisle.  It looked as if Hunter was speed walking because he was right on top of the last bridesmaid and she had to keep looking back to be sure Hunter wasn’t going to step on her dress.  He sat down next to me and I praised him.  Hunter sat very quietly during the ceremony and I whispered what he needed to do when the ring exchange was announced.  Now like I said before, Hunter is not used to any type of dress clothes or shoes.  He had on tee-shirt, white shirt, tie, jacket, pants with clips on the side, socks and dress shoes.  Well what I didn’t realize was that little by little Hunter was becoming “Un tucked it”.  So as he walked up the stairs to the best man, his pants started to fall down!  He grabbed the back with one hand and handed the pillow to the best man with the other.  You could hear the chuckles in the crowd.  The lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said “there always needs to be a light moment in a wedding”.   Hunter came back to sit with me and said “I saved my pants in the nick of time”.  I was very, very proud of him and how her performed.

Once at the reception, Hunter took off the shoes, jacket and tie and danced the afternoon away………..holding Pikachu and making believe he was a penguin.

Dave helping Hunter get dressed

Hunter in his Tuxedo

Hunter and Daddy

Hunter and Hayley (she did excellent by the way)

Over the hump! Gym update :)

It has been difficult this past month. First, the pain in my foot was hindering my exercise to a point, not to mention my right knee that has arthritis and always hurts.  I finally went to the doctor after I hurt my left knee at a wedding.  Yup, arthritis in the left as well, but the doctor said the intense pain I was experiencing in that knee was caused by a broken bone spur.  The end result……I was given the all so painful cortisone shot in both knees.  WOW, I am really good with pain but this was way over the top.  I will say the knees are feeling a lot better.  If the excruciating pain comes again, the doctor will give me a gel shot medication in both knees.  Uhhhh, I get goose bumps thinking about it, I hope this doesn’t happen.

Anyway, last Tuesday I hobbled into the gym and was only able to do the upper body workouts while sitting down.  On Wednesday, I got the shots and because I didn’t listen to the doctor and go home right away and ice my knees,  the pain became twice as bad.  Dave had to put ice packs on both knees when I went to bed.  So, on Thursday and Friday I took better care and iced my knees on and off and didn’t run around as much.  Of course, this prohibited me from going to the gym on Thursday.

I felt my eating was going pretty well, yet I kept imagining that I was gaining each pound back that I lost.  Not being able to exercise was starting to depress me, I didn’t want to start over again.

Alas, today was the gym!  I knew by yesterday that I was feeling better and ready to go back.  I even signed up for another 12 weeks of personal training.  Jess had me do some light leg machines, then we worked on the upper body and abs.  It felt really good to be back and with a lot less pain.

After the workout, I asked Jess to weigh me because I had to know for good or for bad how I have done.  After a deep breath and closing my eyes, Jess said I could look……………………2 lbs.!!!!!!!  I couldn’t believe my eyes, I was sooooo excited.  I guess I really did watch what I ate.  Now I feel pumped up again.  I even walked two miles on the indoor track after my workout.

I guess I learned to take it day by day and not to obsess over the weight or exercising.  You can still do it!!

Now I am ready to tackle my punching bag downstairs 🙂

Flip-Flops at a Wedding

Last Friday, Dave and I attended a wedding of  a teacher of Hayleys that she had in the past.  The service was beautiful, as was the bride and the groom looked handsome in his Military Dress Uniform.

The reception followed.  It was at a Yacht Club and the room the reception was in was beautifully decorated.  Before the bride, groom and wedding party arrived, the DJ called out that in the front of  his stand were bins of flip-flops for the women once their feet started to hurt from the heels they were wearing.  It was such a surprise, I had never seen this before.  All the girls were ooing and ahhing and running to the front.

The bride and her bridal party had bought flip-flops in various sizes and decorated them all with glitter, sparkles, foam, felt flowers and shapes, as well as ribbon.  Every pair was different.  At the top of the page is two of the girls from our table showing off their flip-flops.  The flip-flops were a delightful surprise.  Most of the women and girls who took a pair were already putting them on ready to dance the night away.

Once the music started, the dance floor was flooded with women and girls wearing their custom flip-flops.  All their feet were sparkling and shining underneath the lights.  I thought the flip-flops were a surprising and welcome addition to the reception.

I picked up a pair to show to two young women in the family to maybe give them ideas?????    😉

FLASHLIGHTS

Every home has flashlights, some more than others.  I came across 6 today in the cabinet above my kitchen desk.  I needed one to look under the hutch in the kitchen to try and find a pill I had dropped.  First, I took out a small blue flashlight, didn’t work, then I took out a large red flashlight, didn’t work etc. etc.  All 4 flashlights had batteries in them but they wouldn’t go on.  Why does this always happen?  

 Next I went in search of batteries.  I was able to find many AA and AAA  but no C batteries.   I got to thinking about it and realized I couldn’t remember the last time I bought C batteries.  I am always stocked up on the A’s because heaven forbid a remote control stops working in this house.  Everyone would be foaming at the mouth if they couldn’t continue to channel surf.  Also, I think we have been guilty of buying a new flashlight any time one doesn’t work.

 I layed all the flashlights on the kitchen table and went in search of others.  I wanted to see how many flashlights do we actually have in the house and do they work.  I continued on in the kitchen with the search, green cabinet drawer – 1 flashlight and 2 small white plug ins, one by the sink and one on the center island, all non-working.  I looked through rooms I felt might have a flashlight or two.  I found 1 in my bedstand drawer, non-working and 2 in the garage, non-working.  When I opened one of the garage flashlights, the batteries had corroded, who knows how long they were in the flashlight.

I sat in the kitchen with my 10 flashlights splayed out on the table. Only 1 in the group when I played around with it, gave me a very feeble light.  I got rid of all the batteries plus the corroded flashlight immediately.  I wrote down C batteries on my shopping list so I could get all those flashlights up and working again.

I am still perplexed.  Why doesn’t flashlights work, why are the batteries always drained especially since the flashlights go mostly unused. Growing up it was the same thing.  My parents had all kinds of flashlights but none of them worked.  When a power outtage occured, my parents would first scramble for the flashlights, find them dead, then scrambled for those candles we are also supposed to have in case of an emergency.  Couldn’t find them.  Basically it resulted with all of us sitting in the dark.

I bought new batteries, replenished the flashlights and even gathered together some used candles and put them in a kitchen drawer.  We will be prepared the next time there is a power outtage or if we need to look for something in a dark place. 

I am sure over time we will accumulate more flashlights, when one doesn’t work, forget testing the batteries, just buy a new one!

Weekly Gym Update – 4/28/11

Easter

Weigh in day again.  I was a little nervous about the weigh in because of being in Florida last week.  I didn’t go crazy eating and I did exercise, yet anytime I am away, I usually gain weight.  Plus, I must admit there was a little indulgence on Katie’s and my part.

First, I weight trained for 30 minutes with my trainer. She really worked me.  I am still sore from my Tuesday weight training session so watch out tomorrow :).  Then the weigh in. My trainer set the scale to what I weighed two weeks ago.  I took a deep breath, stepped on the scale, and found out……. I lost 1 lb.!  I thought that was fabulous since I hadn’t been to the gym for two weeks and I vacationed some.

I was going to ride the recumbent bike for 15 minutes today after the weight training.  But, I was so happy and uplifted, I wound up riding for 40 minutes!  Boy, do I feel good about today.

The picture above was taken this Easter.  I am 32 lbs. lighter.  If you compare the picture above of me with the picture  (the WORST ever) on my blog “Another weekly weigh in at the gym 🙂 Lost 3 lbs. for total loss of 22 lbs.” you can see the difference.

I am marching forward and am not going to look back.  I am feeling much better then I did before and want to continue on.  My goal is to lose another 30 lbs.  I know I will achieve this, I have no doubts.

PS.    Did I tell anyone I asked for a punching bag for Mothers’s Day?

The Four Fs – Florida, Food, Fun and Fitness

View from 1st floor deck

View from 2nd floor deck, underneath Master Bedroom

View from my bedroom deck

Florida, Food, Fun and Fitness, the four things I encountered last week.  From April 19th to the morning (very, very early morning, I got up at 3:30 am to catch my flight) of April 23rd I was in Florida. It was a two-fold visit.  Visit Craig by day and Katie by night. We have a house on Amelia Island and I hadn’t been there since Christmas.  It was a really nice break for me, I had a great time.  When I first got there the afternoon of the 19th, I was greeted by my most favorite “white pets” in the world.  Little Nova was crying and jumping like crazy, while Bernie Mac kept rubbing around my legs.  Once I gave them kisses and hugs and got untangled from them, I brought my suitcase to my bedroom and immediately took my book, sat on the deck and while over looking the ocean, read.  It was quiet except for the waves hitting the shore, pure paradise.

Katie came home from work about an hour later, and of course I was happy to see her.  She got changed and we decided we were too tired for a walk.  I had asked Katie to keep me accountable as far as my exercise goes, but it had been a long day for both and decided to start the next day.  We relaxed and caught up on things.  We popped the cork on the wine and proceeded to have wine, cheese and crackers.  It is always great talking to her, we tend to talk over each other and often have to stop and say “you go”, ‘no, you go” 🙂  That night we looked at magazines, watched Biggest Loser Couples, Housewives of New York City and Bethany.  We pretty much talked through all the shows but we did throw our eye on the tv once in a while.

On Wednesday, Thursday & Friday, I went to visit Craig (he will be in Florida for a while) during the day.  Friday, Katie met Craig and I and we went to Craig’s favorite restaurant “The Olive Garden”

Wednesday afternoon was another reading time (I read The Pack by Jodi Picoult – excellent), I just love rocking in the rocking chair reading and looking at the ocean.  Nova loves it too, she always comes out and sits with me.  After Katie got home she said “that’s it, we are going for a walk”.  So we took Nova and we walked 2 miles on the beach, it felt good, plus the weather was gorgeous.  That night we ordered Chinese food from Lucky Wok for dinner.  We watched American Idol, Glee, Bethany and Harry Potter-Deadly Hollows while we ate and of course had wine.

Thursday went the same, after reading and then a 2 mile walk, Katie and I went to the Historic Town on the Island and we ate at an Italian Restaurant named Gennaros.  It was delicious!  Katie and I split fried calamari for appetizer and then we had salad with bread.  I had Lobster Ravioli which was wonderful and Katie had Maryland Crab Ravioli which was delicious as well.  Katie chose a nice Chianti to go with the meal. We were too stuffed for dessert.  We stopped at the Redbox and rented “Splice” it was about a scientist couple that used human DNA in their work of splicing animal genes.  Disturbing but good none the same.  After that we watched various tv shows.

Friday after Olive Garden, Katie, Nova and I once again took our 2 mile walk.  We rented two movies from Redbox for the night.  The first was “Rabbit Hole” which was about a couple and how they each differently handled the death of their child, Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart were in it – excellent.  The second movie was “Grown-ups”  which was about 5 childhood friends who won a basketball championship in 1978 and how they came together thirty-two years later and rented a lake house with their families and had a rematch with the losing team.  Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider starred.  It was pretty funny.  I wouldn’t buy it or go to the movies to see it but for $1.00, it was good.

The next morning I flew home to David and the kids but I really, really enjoyed myself.  It is great seeing Craig doing so well and of course visiting Katie which always involves laughing.  We are both ridiculous and found out we both park our cars the same way – angled to the left…………………………………

Autism and it’s Oddities

There is never a dull moment in this house.  Having 2 children with Autism brings us lots of surprises, both good and bad.  I just have to share two things I found once Hunter and Hayley went to school today.

I was busy straightening up the house before I went to the gym, because the cleaning people were coming.  Once finished, I decided to have a fat-free english muffin with sugarless jam for breakfast.  When I opened the cabinet to get the english muffins, I jumped back startled because this is what I found………

Yes, headless Barbie bodies and their heads.  Except for Ken.  For whatever reason, Hayley had a problem with Ken on Sunday and threw his head into the dirt in the backyard and buried it.  Hayley has a tendency to set items up and hide them in various places in the house.  She often hides the Barbies to surprise me because she must know I had “issues” with dolls when I was little.  They were creepy and I felt they would move at night….(another blog).  Anyway,  I always find this disturbing when I find hidden Barbies and also the fact that Hayley enjoys playing with them in this condition.

Hunter doesn’t really hide things like Hayley, but he often has “set-ups”.  It is not uncommon to walk into a room and find a menagerie of stuffed animals, sitting on all the Dining Room chairs, set up on the fireplace mantle, on the second floor of the Library peeking through the spindles etc.   Last night we put Hunter to bed and went back downstairs to watch a little tv.  After a while we decided to go to bed.  Now, outside my bedroom is a floor to ceiling window that gives a nice view of the neighborhood.  Hunter loves to sit in front of this window when he is waiting for someone to come over.  He can see way down the street.  As I approached this window, this is what I found….

Yup, Pikachu and company.  Hunter must have gotten up after we went downstairs to set-up the Pokemon group.  I didn’t get to ask him about it this morning because we were in a rush for the bus, but I will when he gets home. I am sure he will have an unusual story to tell me like he always does.

I have to laugh at these things and enjoy them.  There are so many difficulties with Autism and I tend to get lost in them.  But, when Hunter and Hayley come up with some of these oddities, I embrace them and know not all is bad.

Now if someone could tell me why a child would prefer her Barbies headless, please let me know 🙂

DELAYED SCHOOL OPENINGS AND THE GYM

I am so sick and tired of the cold, snow and delayed school openings.  When there is a delay, Hunter gets on the bus at 9:00 and Hayley gets on at 10:00.  This messes up any plans I might have had for the mornings and deprives me of my extra “kid free” time.

This morning I had an appointment at the gym with my trainer for 9:30.  As soon as the call came at 5:25 am that told me there was going to be a delayed opening, I knew I was doomed.  I really wanted to go to the gym because today was weigh in day.  I texted my trainer about the situation and she responded back with a cancellation she had just received.  I was able to go work out at 10:30!  I was so excited.  I got Hayley on the bus and then I went straight to the gym.  I warmed up on the recumbent bike for 15 minutes and then met with my trainer.  I worked on legs today.  Now that I have been weight training for a while, Jess is starting to challenge me more.  I did upper body on Tuesday (my arms felt like lead yesterday), and today I worked on my legs, abdomen and hips.  I definitely know I will be sore tomorrow, but it is a happy kind of sore. Finally, I did a half hour of cardio before returning home.

Once I was done weight training,  I was ready to be weighed…….. I knew I did really well with my eating so I wasn’t too nervous.  I got on the scale and found out I lost 3 1/2 lbs.!!!!  This brings me to a total of 25 1/2 lbs.  I am extremely happy as I am getting closer to wearing ” the dress” that has been hanging in my closet, encouraging me to keep on course each day.

Hopefully, the snow and really cold weather is behind us now.  I look forward to beautiful, warm, sunny days and for the first time in years I won’t mind showing my arms, especially while wearing “the dress”.   🙂

Loving the Food Network

I love watching the Food Network.  It has inspired me to cook different things, some of which have become family favorites.  I like:

Giada at Home with Giada De Laurentiis (I have all of her cookbooks). There are so many dishes of hers that I have cooked, but the one that is everybody’s favorite is, Vegetable Gratin.  It has broccoli, cauliflower, heavy cream, whole milk, fontina, provolone and pecorino romano cheese, salt, pepper and bread crumbs.  It is so easy to make. We also like, Parmesan-crusted pork chops, Chicken Florentine, Roasted Fennel with Parmesan, the list could go on and on.

Paula’s Home Cooking featuring Paula Deen of course, as well as her husband, sons, brother and others from time to time.   I have all of her cookbooks as well, and the recipes are traditional down south home cooking.

Diners, Drive-ins and Dives with Guy Fieri, Next Food Network Star, any show with Bobby Flay etc.  The one show I DO NOT care for is, Sandra Lee. It isn’t the recipes because some of them look really good and they are easy to make.  She used store-bought ingredients with fresh.  The problem with the show for me anyway, is Sandra is much too perky, it looks like she doesn’t eat, and most of all……. I CANNOT stand on each show her outfit matches the kitchen decor.  This is so stupid.  It makes no sense to me at all.  Enough said.

My all time favorite show is, The Barefoot Contessa featuring Ina Garten.  I would LOVE to meet her.  I have all of her cookbooks as well and they are getting well-worn.  She is always so happy, eats her food, does really pretty table decorating (unlike Sandra Lee’s over the top “tablescapes”).   Her food is relatively simple and yet soooo delicious.  One of our favorites is a sautéed brussell sprout recipe with pancetta.  I know, most people don’t like Brussel sprouts, my husband and kids included, yet when I make this they love it.  It is so easy to make and delicious.  The recipe is as follows:

Brussels Sprouts Lardons

 

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons good olive oil
• 6 ounces Italian pancetta or bacon, 1/4-inch dice
• 1 1/2 pounds Brussels sprouts (2 containers), trimmed and cut in 1/2
• 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 3/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 cup golden raisins
• 1 3/4 cups Homemade Chicken Stock, recipe follows, or canned broth

Directions

Heat the olive oil in a large (12-inch) saute pan and add the pancetta. Cook over medium heat, stirring often, until the fat is rendered and the pancetta is golden brown and crisp, 5 to 10 minutes. Remove the pancetta to a plate lined with a paper towel.

Add the Brussels sprouts, salt, and pepper to the fat in the pan and saute over medium heat for about 5 minutes, until lightly browned. Add the raisins and chicken stock. Lower the heat and cook uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the sprouts are tender when pierced with a knife, about 15 minutes. If the skillet becomes too dry, add a little chicken stock or water. Return the pancetta to the pan, heat through, season to taste, and serve.

Homemade Chicken Stock:

• 3 (5-pound) chickens
• 3 large onions, unpeeled and quartered
• 6 carrots, unpeeled and halved
• 4 celery stalks with leaves, cut in thirds
• 4 parsnips, unpeeled and cut in 1/2, optional
• 20 sprigs fresh flat-leaf parsley
• 15 sprigs fresh thyme20 sprigs fresh dill
• 1 head garlic, unpeeled and cut in 1/2 crosswise
• 2 tablespoons kosher salt
• 2 teaspoons whole black peppercorns

Place the chickens, onions, carrots, celery, parsnips, parsley, thyme, dill, garlic, salt, and peppercorns in a 16 to 20-quart stockpot with 7 quarts of water and bring to a boil. Skim the surface as needed. Simmer uncovered for 4 hours. Strain the entire contents of the pot through a colander, discarding the chicken and vegetables, and chill. Discard the hardened fat, and then pack the broth in quart containers.

Now I do not make the home made chicken stock, I use College in or Swanson chicken broth with works perfect and without so much work!  I am all about ease.

Another weekly weigh in at the gym :) Lost 3 lbs. for total loss of 22 lbs. !!!!

I am really embarrassed about this picture.  It was taken at the Florida house this past August.  I look absolutely horrible.  Not only am I fat, but the hair?  Wow.  I finally decided to post a before picture of myself, because it can only get better from there.   As time goes on I will post pictures of me as the weight loss journey progresses.  I have been very diligent about my diet and exercise routine for the past week.  

 Last Thursday, my trainer had me do a lot of leg work.  At the time I felt fine, no pain at all, but I really paid for it Friday thru Monday.  I have arthritis in both knees, the right one being the worst.  I hobbled around, popped Aleve and held an ice pack on my knees a several times. I continued to exercise at home, but just on my upper body.  When I went to the gym on Tuesday, I told her about my knees.  Even though they were feeling better,  we decided just to work on the upper body, abs and waist to still rest my knees a few more days.  Now this is a good thing because I am really looking forward to getting rid of my man arms.  I haven’t had normal arms in a very long time. Also, I need the ab work because I to get the belly down some more. And at least now my boobs are back to being bigger then my waist, hence I still need work on these areas.   When I finished with the upper body workout, the trainer had me ride the recumbent bike.  I still was working my legs yet there was no pressure on my knees.   So I did weight training for a half hour and rode the bike for a half hour.  I am so enjoying it, I never thought I would ever say that.  I really surprise myself  by actually wanting to exercise!

 Yesterday I did an upper body workout on the universal gym in the basement, then did 3 reps of crunches using the exercise ball.  I had a lot of errands to accomplish afterward.  At each stop I parked in the furthest parking spot so I would get somewhat of a workout on my legs.  Before I left home to go out, I brought a banana, granola bar and a water just in case I got hungry.  Surprisingly, except for being thirsty and drinking the water, I wasn’t hungry at all.   As a matter of fact I didn’t even think about eating! This is extremely new to me.

Today was weigh in day at the gym.  First my trainer had me do some light legwork.  My knees felt pretty good but I didn’t want to overdo it.  Then I worked the chest, back, shoulders, abs and waist.  Once that was done, Jess led me into the room with the scale.  I stared at it a few minutes because I was a little nervous.  It seems unreal to me that I have been losing weight.  I would say I have tried a million times and it didn’t work.  I now realize I definitely was not trying hard enough nor was I motivated enough.  Jess set the weight on the scale to what I weighed last week and once I stepped on the scale it was quite obvious the slide needed to go down.  And down it did go, 3 lbs.!!! I was so excited.  Now I am down a total of 22 lbs!!!  I am so proud of myself.

That dress in my closet is looking better and better.  I am already down a size, one more size and no more plus sizes for me!  I can’t wait to get back into normal size clothes.  Like I have said before, I am not striving for a size 4, a size 12 would be wonderful. I am already looking and feeling better and am excited for summer to come and maybe actually not loath myself this year.  I also want to look good for Dave.  He has always been supportive of me no matter what my weight, he loves me unconditionally.  But I want to show him I can still be “one hot mamma”…….